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I think that's when my pain began to morph into anger. At least I could let my anger convince me that it didn't matter, I didn't need them. I didn't need anyone. Anyone who's ever taken a stand like that knows it's not true. I'm not sure you can actually die physically of loneliness, but you certainly can spiritually. Spending time with Cindy let me recover, she saved me. I'd been in spiritual ICU and the end had been near.Now, as I worked my way back, it was like any other recovery: you paid the price. If your leg goes to sleep, it will tingle painfully as you restore circulation. When you heart goes cold, you feel even more painful needles as it warms.Always sensitive, Cindy wrapped her arms around me and her hug spoke volumes. I wasn't alone and even if she wasn't proclaiming love at every pause in the conversation, I was important to her. Perhaps even the most important person in her life. I wanted that, but I remembered something I'd heard long ago, "If you want to be fully. But if I didn't, there was a risk thatshe could tell this to my parents. The latter would have beendangerous.I decided to open the door. She came in and I closed the door behindher. She went and sat in the sofa. She suddenly said, "Preeti, get me aglass of water." I was sure she called me Preeti. I obeyed her. I gaveher a glass of water, she pulled me by my hand and I fell in the sofa.She laughed. She said... hey pretty guy, I didn't know you had so muchtalent! I like you. I normally get bored in the mornings. Perhaps youcould play with me... I could not speak.She ran her fingers through my hair. She said I would look better intwo plaits. She took me in and combed my hair into two plaits. I felteven more femme after that. The way the plaits pulled my hair... theslight pain... I started enjoying. I pleaded her not to tell anythingto my parents. She laughed and said... oh silly girl! Don't be afraid!I like you. but I have one condition. you must obey whenever I ask youanything... I had.
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